ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
last night I used snow as a chaser
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
