marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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