remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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