Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
