Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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