i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
All the doctor said was why
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
