apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
