like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
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