12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
