Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
