i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
