At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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