I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
