Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
