is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
