Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
