Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm really into asian looking animals
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
