You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
