I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
