wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
