I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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