Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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