i permit you to call me
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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