For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
