the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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