I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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