I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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