my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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