I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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