She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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