yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
