He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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