i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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