and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
