i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
