I love black thongs
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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