***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
