Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My penis needs a shock collar
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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