By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
