The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize