Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
