Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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