You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
