She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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