I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
