Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
