his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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