just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wish you could order shots online.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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