Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The beer is more important than you right now.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
