she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
